Unloved

There were moments when the "if's" in your life and the other unsatisfied questions of your being just suddenlly fall on you. Like avalanche, it sweeps you with its enourmous impact blacking out all of your rationality and the structures of your identity. This time the comrpromise of ego is no use, it is id's reigning moment and superego's downfall. With nothing you struggle to face all of these one by one, blow by blow.

What did you gain after all those sacrifices?
Pain & pain. Sometimes recognition becomes a consolation but sadly not from the people you wanted.

Are you finally happy?
I'm not. I believe its my destiny and choice not to be. The truth is I don't know how to be happy and I am frquently wandering where it is found.

Why don't you have a significant other?
NEXT PLEASE. Honestly I wantED to. But unfortunately he cannot love me back. Maybe the other one did but he's too draining for me. I am open to possibilties but right now I don't really think it is possible with all the academic commitments that I have. Another thing is that, I'm quite ideal about how things should be and without satisfying that I may be unwilling to enter a relationship.

Do you still even know how to love?
I would honestly admit that I have quite forgotten HOW to love someone else. Maybe its just a phase in life when you get jaded on this specially when it doesn't work out the way you wanted. I'm still clinging to my optimism that someday I will and someone might also (mistakenly and stupidly) fall for me.

What made you like this?
Like what? This is the type of question that doesn't necessarily ends with an answer but rather it attracts more questions to follow. I don't reallt think I'm capable of answering that question right now.

Where are you REALLY going?
OUT THERE. Don't ask me please I'm definitely uncertain about it.