Thursday, January 22, 2009

Starting


II am terribly hoping, praying and wishing that it will be a good end.

If someone will ask me right now what I fear the most, I will finally be able to give an answer. Not that I don't have anything to fear before, its just that this time this fear is overflowing in the surface and growing day by day in exponential phase.

I fear REGRET.

I am afraid to look back to my life and find that all those years of hardships, sorrow, desperation, alienation and many more is worth nothing. I am so afraid that the laughter, friendship and victories were all false ones. I am so damn afraid to have never felt love at all and never love at all.

I am afraid that I've become what I FEAR.

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If someone asks me again if there are things that I regret doing, I can immediately answer that I do and you know why? It’s because regret is like death, inevitable. It’s learning things the hardest way. Its knowing life in its most bitter form. Its acceptance of the painful reality even though your system vomits it (every damn minute).

More than that, it’s a challenge to differ. To let not history repeat itself.

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My fear is unresolved no matter how I rationalize its significance.

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My ears is currently glued to Single Ladies.

* Where are you now.

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